


“Miss, the kid that smells like cat food is rocking themselves in the corner again”

by canbreathe



Series: Oh, what to mourn [3]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Agender Frisk, Autistic Frisk, Gender-Neutral Frisk, It Gets Worse, Non-Binary Frisk, Non-Verbal Frisk, One Shot, Open to Interpretation, POV Frisk, POV Second Person, Pre-Game(s), Pre-Undertale Pacifist Route, Transgender, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-16
Updated: 2017-09-16
Packaged: 2018-12-30 13:22:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12109632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/canbreathe/pseuds/canbreathe
Summary: you cant help yourself.





	“Miss, the kid that smells like cat food is rocking themselves in the corner again”

you rub your hands against your skirt so much they feel fuzzy, the skirt that your mother forced you into dearly dearly dearly she knows what’s best she kno **ws she knows dear yes** **she does**

 

Youre sat in the corner of the yard, rocking yourself and drumming your fingers against your legs with tightened bandages around your wrists because that way it feels more normal and you hum, you hum tunes you have heard and shouldn’t have heard and all the ones youve learned over your very very short time here mother knows better than you shes been here long she knows that you should be in skirts and cardigans and that trousers are for boys and so are shirts and no no no you arent allowed-

You realise that you’re panicking again and force yourself to not begin talking with your hands and making words to yourself to try to calm down because then the kids all look at you _really_ weirdly and you won’t be able to go to class without them laughing at you like they all did yesterday.

 

you hear them talking about you again you hear them again YOU ALWAYS HEAR THEM TALKING because theyre so loud and cant be quiet no matter how hard they try they don’t try none of thEM EVER TRY NOT REAlly never not really-

  and you know that its a joke youre a joke to them and youre the only one not laughing a jOke-

  calm down calm down calm down play with your sleeves and rock yourself and rub your hands against your skirt and hum and you’ll be fine you should be you will be soon it shouldn’t take long

 

Yet just as you realise you’ve been circled again when your blind panic has almost gone you’re pummelled again into the ground with all the other stains and scrapes and you have nothing left anymore

 

you keep telling yourself (youre okay youre okay youre okay) but no matter how much you tell yourself theres a shrieking little voice in your head screaming at you (YOU ARENT STOP IT STOPLYINGNO NONO)

 

(as you were pulled home, as you ached, by your ranting father, you gazed at the chained up bikes, rusted and decorated with plastic discs on the tires, a creative way of advertising. you loved them. then your angry father tugged out again, and pain sparked in your arms again)

 

the letters are all jumbled up on your homework and you can’t finish it and you feel like sobbing-

  the bruises on your back hurt and your skirt is dirty from grass stains and mud from dirty shoes and the soles of your shoes are coated in a slick layer of cut grass (you swear that you can still hear it screaming in the ringing of your ears) and dew and your bandages are so tight you don’t think it’s safe and-

  breathebreathebreathebreathebreathe

 

You hate this time of year, not because all the other kids soon are gonna get their presents (thats kind of it too a bit) but because its **freezing cold** and you have to **beg** to your parents through writing again for a new jumper because its fraying again and for new uniform but you dont need a pair of shoes because youve hardly even grown its from all your rubbing your skirt lost a shade or two and that both your cardigans are almost in pieces, only held together by your stitches, half decent but easily pulled apart. Your shoes only scuffed and your socks are just a bit dingy and you hope the cat wont get more food than **you** do **again** this year because you try to rub the edge of your jumper **too many times**.

 

You’re lucky that your bandages haven’t needed to be used, because you don’t know how you would have explained them to mother and father and you’d have to find more of them later, and you don’t want to have to take from the school nurse again. you don’t think she noticed or cared, but it was hard enough to not get caught the first time you got them.

 

You think you have a new friend (your second friend ever). he reads books in the library and he lets you sit next to him and rock and hum and fumble (all the strange things kids tease you for) beside him and he doesn’t run off (not like the rest they run off and tell everyone so they can all laugh at you and whisper more) even though you can never look at him in the eyes (maybe he has pretty eyes but you don't know) and even though he can’t listen to you without paper because he doesn’t understand your language (mother and father know just enough to get by but they still hate how garish it looks to them) or your hums (nobody ever does)-

  he might be a little like you because he talks quietly and covers his ears whenever people are loud, but you don’t know. you know he doesn’t mention anything you do, at least.

 

You feel hot and everything is too loud EVERYTHING IS loud OH so loud helphelphelp this is WHY WHY WHY-

  The teacher is back in the classroom and you _re_ so happy that they are because the noise was so overwhelming and your hands are red from rubbing your skirt and humming that loud make your voice almost about to break but now they need to print something off again and NOSTOPSTOPITNOWSHUTUPSTOP

 

(when you were little you used to pace endlessly, but then they all started tripping you up and telling you off for getting out your seat so you had to stoP STOP STOP-)

 

yOu sit and cry in the corner of the yard, because the kids wont stop picking on you because you keep rocking yourself and rubbing your skirt or drumming your fingers but if you dont you might actually scream but you cant escape to the library because you dont want to make your friend sad again because his sounds hurt you when he looked at you and saw the bruise on your cheek it hurt so bad his sounds hurt so bad-

  sO today you sit in the yard and cry as silently while you cry as you can and drum your fingers against your legs because you cant stand seeing your friend like that again-

  aNd your parents cant pick you up today when you can hardly breathebreathebreathebreathebreathe so you sit in the nurses office for the rest of the day with red eyes and raw hands and a raw voice because your mother and father are rightrightrightrightright and they cant miss work again to pick your sorry self up again from school againagainagainagainagain-

 

Mother hugs you briefly in front of the school people and asks whats wrong but she says it with the tone wrong and her voice is clipped but nobody else thinks that she could ever be lying and this time she takes you home in the car and she sighs at all the scratches on your face and today youre guessing she had a good day at work for once for once. She lets you into the house and lets you get plasters and some bread and doesnt say anything and thats the best youve ever seen her yet you dont get your hopes up. you never do cause you never know what could happen next and-

  GLASSGLASSGLASS A GLASS BROKE A GLASS BROKEBROKEBROKE AND IT WAS TOO TOO LOUD TOOTOOTOO LOUD TOO LOUD NO NO NO-

  youre in your room and youre shaking because you found that too loud way too loud and you hear swearing. mother is swearing and its not at you its at the dropped glass she was holding earlier and youre so relieved that its not you for once not you not you you like that its not you it sounds normal and like it should be and maybe not the swearing but the not angry at you seems right-

  you don’t think it’ll last long though.

 

You were rightrightright for once it didn’t last long it never does neverevernevereverneverever does-

  father comes in and sees the bruise fading on your cheek and he yells at you for not using your fragile voice that you can’T be loud with-

  he doesNT understand that you have a code of conduct that he doesNT have and that you have to keep it for the world to be kind to it and he has no code of conduct-

  Maybe he does but it’S bad bad bad and not clean and you have to keep yours for the world and it’S clean please sto **p yelling**

 

you are back in school and it hurts so bad because mother didnt even try to stop father and father didnt listen to your little words and by the time he left you were a puddle in his eyes inconvenient in his eyes onlyahasslehasslehassle-

  today you cant even walk straight from all the words on your back and you have to make your friend sad againagainagain because otherwise you will literally lose your voice from shrieking-

  youre sat next to him, as he wipes his eyes and you stare down at your fraying skirt and you cry with himhimhimhimhim watch him crycrycrycrycry your fault your faultfaultfaultfaultfault-

 

Youre Shivering Because Its Freezing Cold And Snow Is In Your Hair And On Your Skirt And Your Cardigan-

  You Get Tripped Over Into The Snow And Your Teeth Are Chattering Because Its Freezing Cold And You Run To The Library But You Slip Over On Ice And People Are Laughing At You And Youre Even More Cold And Covered In Snow-

  You’re Sitting Next To Your Friend Humming Loudly And Playing With Your Sleeves And Chattering Because Your Tights Are The Only Thing Mother Gave You For Winter And Now They’re Soaked Through And Its Possibly Even Worse Than Just Wearing Socks-

  Your Friend Says Something To You For The First Time In A While (tomorrow wear two cardigans?)

 

you ** _re_** staring outside as the snow melts and as you play with your sleeves and all the other kids are playing with slush that soaks through you ** _re_** thin jumper meant for spring (it’s coming, you swear you swear you swear) and your mouth feels soft and fishy from the wet cat food and you ** _ve_** said sorry to the cat a thousand times this holiday but it ** _s_** happened again and you hate the taste of it and the feeling of it in your mouth and you hate the look kids give you when you rock in the corner of class before it starts because you ** _re_** freezing and you need to be calm so you can listen to the teacher you have to to havetolisten-

  your friend was right wearing two cardigans was a good idea and he smiled when he saw you wearing two and asked if it was warmer (yes it is thank you thank you thank you very very very much) and he wants you to talk to him after school because it ** _s_** very important and you think you can it should ** _nt_** be too hard to go

 

hE lEads yOu tO a tReehouse iN tHe wArming wOods aNd tHe wAlls aRe cOvered iN sTicky nOtes aNd hE hAnds yOu sOme aNd tElls yOu tO nOt bE mAd (how could you ever be this is your friend friend friend)-

  hE tElls yOu tHat hE’s a gIrl aNd tHat sHe aLways hAs bEen bUt hEr pArents wOuld kIll hEr iF tHey eVer kNew aNd sHe’s cryingcryingcrying (it’s okay please stop please stop plea **se stop** )-

  aNd yOu tEll hEr wIth tHe pEn aNd sTicky nOtes tHat yOu aRent a gIrl oR a bOy aNd tHat yOure pArents hAte tHat yOu cAn aLmost nOt sPeak aNd tHat tHey dOnt cAre aBout yOu-

  aNd yOu bOth cRy aNd cRy aNd cRy fOr tHe wOrlds yOu cAn nEver hAve nEver eVer **nEvereVernEvereVereVer**

 

you ask the teacher where your friend is with a piece of scrap paper because she's never late and she's always sat there when lessons haven't stared and they say that he isn’t on the system anymore so he must have moved schools and you want to scream at the teacher through the white noise ringing in your ears that your friend is a girl and not a boy but she’s gone your friend is _gone_ and you don't know _where_ and you begin to cry and you run to where you and your friend used to sit together because it might hurt less might might less-

  it’s empty her spot’s empty and it’s only just the start of spring the weekend just passed and she’s go _negonEGONE-_

  the book she read most days was left on her chair and you take it and you don’t even have to read the title to know that it is the very same book and you cry as silently as you can and try not to hiccup and your faded skirt that never got replaced is darkened with your pain and hurt and you wish that some day she will come back for you and take you away with her that's what you want more than ever pleaseplease _plEASE_

 

at br _e_ aktime just b _e_ fore your lucky br _e_ ak b _e_ fore the w _e_ ekend and b _e_ fore you can r _e_ ad h _e_ r book again th _e_ bigg _e_ r kids swarm you and you g _e_ t hurt r _eally_ r _eally_ r _eally_ r _eally_ r _eally_ -

  on _e_ of your bandag _e_ s is mov _e_ d to b _e_ around your ankl _e_ and up high on your arm in the bathroom b _e_ fore your _e_ tak _e_ n hom _e_ by your moth _er_ and when you ar _e_ as sh _e_ asks why that _e_ v _e_ n happ _e_ n _e_ d it hurts so bad you can hardly think so you rock yours _e_ lf and hum brok _e_ n songs and rub your skirt and then sh _e_ sudd _e_ nly scr _e_ ams at you to stop STOPITYOUFAILUR _E_ -

 

its worse and worse and worse and worse and worse your bandages are weird and sticky and you almost don’t wear them its almost almost almost better without them but then you remember that you might get hurt again by the kids because they think you're a  _joke_  and they keeping taking her space and you can hardly look at it when its empty because it hurts almost too bad before they take it and theyve tarnished her spot and you want them to go away so so so so so _much_ -

  you can hardly calm down not even humming as loud as you can without breaking your soft voice not even rubbing your skirt so hard that your hands bruise not even rocking so much it begins to feel weird pleasepleaseplease comeb _ack-_

  you hurt too bad and cry too hard to do your homework anymore and the teachers don’t even really care anymore and you just hear them sigh when you have an empty sheet wrinkled with tears and another bruise on your face and they don’t bother to try and help anymore because you always refuse and shake your head and cry even _more_ -

  your mother and father never pick you up anymore when you're sitting in the office and school calls and they don’t even drive you home or walk you there anymore so you have to walk by yourself with red eyes and bruised hands and hollow cheeks because you have to share food with your cat more than ever now and you can hardly ever sneak food from the kitchen because they yell at you even more and you were so so so so right i t d i d n _' t l a s t_

_your eyes sting from all the tears as you rock yourself in the corner and they’re all talking around you so loud and they've tarnished your kind thoughts so much that you wish all their voices were as broken as yours but they aren't and the noise swarms you like wasps_ _so you jump up a n d -_

_you storm home with a fire burning in the planet behind your eyes and your eyes are downcast so often that when people notice they aren’t half closed they look at you with fear in t h e i r-_

_your parents are at work again so you crawl through a window humming to yourself the angriest tune you ever have and you fall through the window with a l o u d-_

_your deep pockets only have her book and some plasters that you climbed up the counter to get and you are back in the jumper and shorts you are meant to be wearing and this time you unlock the door with keys left on the counter by the kitchen door so you open the door and throw the keys down and leave them on the gravel for someone else t o –_

_y o u r u n f a r a w a y t o t h e m o u n t a i n t h a t p e o p l e n e v e r r e t u r n f r o m b e c a u s e y o u ‘ v e h e a r d t h e s t o r I e s a n d i t '_ _s e a s y b e c a u s e y o u h a v e a l w a y s b e e n g o o d a t r u n n i n g a w a y f r o m w h a t s c a r e s y o u a n d y e s a l l t h e k i d s w a n t y o u h e r e t o n e v e r **r e t u r n** -_

 _Y O U S T A N D I N F R O N T O F T H E **H O L E T H A T K I D S N E V E R R E T U R N B A C K U P F R O M A N D** W I T H A S L O W T U N E M A D E W I T H _ _**W H A T ‘ S L E F T O F Y O U R V O I C E** A N D Y O U **S T E P** -_

t h e p l a s t e r s a n d h e r b o o k f l u t t e r o u t f r o m y o u r p o c k e t a n d d e e p a n d d e e p e r I n t o t h e s t a r i n g d a r k n e s s a n d y o u c r y a s t h e w o r l d t h a t y o u o n c e k n e w w a s t o r n f r o m y o u r e y e s w i  t h t h e f r a g i l e t u n e y o u r v o i c e o n c e h e l d

**Author's Note:**

> Happy late 2nd birthday for Undertale! I hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
